Monday, May 24, 2004

Midsummer temps already

And why not? The whole world is heatin' up.

yard work
brew
maple tree
important shit
new york
ireland
money in your pocket

That's the topic list for this post, so if nothing strikes your fancy, skip it.

Just in from the yard work. Time for a home brew.



Here's a little landscaping tip for you. Don't plant a Chinese chestnut in your yard. Trust me on that one. And don't plant silver maples either. Somebody is going to sell you a silver maple when you ask for a fast growing shade tree. Resist. They sprout little maples all over the yard, and particularly in the trees' root zone. This won't seem like a problem while the tree is a sapling, but give it a half dozen years. Silver maples are extremely shallow rooted. Extremely. In fact, major roots will begin forming at the soil surface, and trust me, grass will quit growing. But not before you have shaved the tops of the roots a couple of times with your mower and exposed the tree to root-borne pathogens. Soon enough, however, you will have a huge area of surface roots (an area extending out beyond the tree's canopy) and scraggly, unhealthy grass, and you will be cursing the nurseryman who sold you that tree.

No, I am not an arborist or a landscaper, but I do have a master's degree in plant pest management, and both a Chinese chestnut and a silver maple in my front yard, if any of that helps you to take my word on this. The trees came with the rental property. If I owned it, I'd replace them. So I'll suggest to any of you homeowners out there who plan to do some landscaping - do some research first. Hey, talk to an arborist.

Now, back to the important shit.

And I do mean shit. Come on people, why are these criminals still in the White House? The Republican National Convention is coming up in August in New York City. Ground Zero. Zero. You think about that connection. Perhaps we can all attend the protests. We can stay at Beth's house.

On second thought, go without me. Send reports. I'm saving my money for a trip to Ireland next year. And if we can keep up this great global warming scheme we're working on to turn the whole planet into a tropical paradise, and Ireland can get her temps up, I may just stay and take this Celtic Turley blood back to its roots. (Speaking of roots.)

I can't do both. Go to the RNC protests and go to Ireland. I ain't no fortunate son, son.

No matter. I think a sign of success is when you put on a pair of shorts you haven't worn since last summer and find money in the pocket.

I, sir, am a success.