Sunday, May 08, 2011

I Don't Mean to Boast, But...

I think I have enough experience with the subject now to publish an expert treatise on landscaping with fire ants.

Rule #1: Don't.

If, however, you find that you must, here are a few things to keep in mind.

Fire ants can appear out of thin air. In a frenzied swarm. You probably won't even notice them until they are attacking. And then you'll really notice. The bite/sting of a fire ant is painful and will cause hours of pain and itching for up to several weeks, I don't care what you put on it.

Contrary to what you might think, gardening gloves are a mistake. The ants will quickly slip under the cuffs and eat a trail across your hide. You cannot get those gloves off fast enough.

Likewise, shoes with the least amount of material next to your skin (forget about socks, they're nothing to a fire ant) are your best bet. That way, at least you can see them for dispatch. And, believe me, you do not want to spend those extra nanoseconds removing shoes.

Dispatching a fire ant is not easy. You cannot shake them off. Nor can you brush them off once they've got a grip. They must be smashed. Expect to be bitten and stung several times before you clear yourself of any that make contact.

Fire ants can swim. Or something like. Drowning them with the hose while you are watering is not an option. But standing in the water stream (if it's running fast and hard enough) will prevent them from getting purchase on your feet. And if you're pulling weeds, the same water stream running over your hands will help.

If they have to go past you, they will not go around. They will go over, and they will take time to punish you on the way.

It's best if you simply heed Rule #1.

....but hey, do what you want....you will anyway.

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